PANIC ! FOR I HAVE SINNED

[ZEPHYR DREW CLAYTON]

WE HAD A GOOD RUN
EVEN I HAVE TO ADMIT

- - - - -



zephyr drew clayton

[/i][/font][/size][/center]

"Your eyes, telling me lies"
"And making me find myself"

[/center][/blockquote]

*

[/font][/size]my name is lex. i've been role playing for four years years. everyone knows i'm a bitching geeeerl. this world has had my footprints stamped all over it for thirteen years. you know my oh so famous characters just zephyr so far.[/center][/blockquote][/blockquote]

WE DIDN'T COME TO COMPETE
THIS IS A DEMONSTRATION

- - - - -

NAME: zephyr drew clayton.
NICKNAME: zee, zeph, zephers, zep.
GENDER: male.
AGE AND DATE OF BIRTH: twenty one, august eighteenth.
SEXUALITY: homosexual.
STATUS: single.
RELIGION: catholic.
YEAR: junior.
MAJOR: photography.
PB: ryan ross.

KICK DRUM BEAT IN MY CHEST AGAIN
WE WILL NEVER BELIEVE AGAIN

- - - - -

ZEPH LIKES:

vitamin water, animals, reading, writing, coloring, creativity, ideas, plays, cell phones, texting, picture messages, computers, typing, ipods, music, glitter, projects, improvement, life, markers and crayons, taking pictures, scenery, quiet, self-control, bright colors, warm weather, beaches, water, swimming, disney movies, television, english, foreign languages, paper clips, clicker pens, caffine, candy, riddles, silly faces, emoticons, instant messaging, thinking, long hair, warmth, closeness, sincerity, dependence, boys, cuddling, hugs, kisses, friends, dancing, time to himself, candles, sweet scents, penguins, picture frames, solutions, love, silicone bracelets, make up, massages, head phones, dark rooms, blankets, romantic movies, laughing, rain, thunderstorms, finger paints, designing, photoshop, rings.

ZEPH DISLIKES:

loud noises, body odor, broken glass, camera flashes, snow, cold weather, sneezing, bugs, greasy hair, paper cuts, clothes line clips, cd's, power cords, dust, clothing imprints, snakes, too much immaturity, paper planes, getting poked, clowns, screams, pencil shaving, rap music, depression, writer's block, assignments, blank paper, his middle name, secrets, itches you can't reach, repetitive writing, the colors red and yellow, smoke, cigarettes, pillow cases, too much perfume/cologne, most remix's, slow drivers, microphone feedback, people that talk with their hands, bad grammar, getting fast food orders wrong, hypocrites, stereotyping, homophobes, animal abuse, meat, showing too much skin, obnoxious people, death, solitude, snorting, math, lazer pointers, fashion trends, sugar highs.

PERSONALITY:

• ABSOLUTE
when you grow up and raise yourself, you learn at a very young age that the real world is nothing like the inside of a class room. for zephyr, his class room was his kitchen or living room. his father was an alcoholic and his mother dead, he taught himself. now, he is still very independent. admitting he needs help with something is rare for this boy. he likes to do things on his own; thinking if he submits to getting help that he's getting lazy. zephyr is the kind of person that doesn't like feeling useless. if he doesn't have something to do, he'll feel like he's slacking. in saying this, it means he likes a project. of course, when offered a hand he's always polite when he turns it down. he built his own character and he likes to believe that he doesn't need the extra push from someone else. getting to his own things in his own time is how he works. when everyone else would rather be out downing a shot, he'd rather be cuddled up in his dorm writing.

• BENEVOLENT
for someone that is so used to covering up bruises with 'girl make up', zephyr is quite the social butterfly. he know how to hold a conversation with almost all types of people. he isn't judgmental; he'd rather listen than give his own opinion. he's well known by many, even if they are just faces he has to match with the names. need a hand with something? zephyr is more than willing to put in his effort to help you get the gob done. just because he's 'popular' with people doesn't mean he has a lot of friends. mainly, he give out the needed information and the affection requested before he draws the line and cuts off the relationship. well, he doesn't cut it off but he will give it a break if he feels like he's getting in too deep with someone. it's him against the world and to let someone in would mean he's unguarded.

• CIVIL
thinking. it's the key thing in life that keeps you out of a verbal mess and allows you to make the correct choices. zephyr likes to think things out to the fullest extent. now, some things can drive him insane but that's what he gets for thinking about everything. the boy does have a tendency to over think things and take them far beyond than what they really mean. his emotional state of sanity isn't very healthy which probably contributes to some of his flaws. but he is one of the rare few that realize life isn't meant to be easy and that he'll never be perfect. there's a difference between knowing and thinking. his self-esteem isn't high but it isn't low either. he knows where he stands in life and really, that's all he needs right now. he's very thoughtful with school work and it builds on his creative insight.

• CULTIVATED
this baby boy never got a chance to be, well, a baby boy. he grew up understanding that it was his job to take care of himself. he wasn't allowed to be obnoxious and out of line. this stuck with him, even through his teenage years. when his friends were off at baseball games or play practice's, he was home taking care of his father because he was the devil child and it was his fault for the bills being hard to pay. he had a job to do his whole life. you gave him a basketball and he'd ask what it was. for him, he believes it's better to face the world knowing what he has to do and knowing how to do that rather than opening the door and closing it right away because you're too scared to face the world as an adult. it makes him feel good knowing that he can take care of himself and other people all by himself because of the past he's had. besides, who wants to be a kid anyway?

• ORIGINAL
creativity is key for the line of work zephyr does. if he didn't have a photographer's eye, he'd be bored with the subject and try to move onto something else. when he see's something; even if it's plan as could be, he could turn it into the most interesting scene you've ever seen. without a creative way of thinking, he'd problem be a dull person to be around. for zeph, the world is painted a whole bunch of different, erotic colors. he wants to be able to turn simple scenes into beautiful masterpieces with just the lens of his camera. though this could also propose as a problem for him, he doesn't let it bother him too much. just because he doesn't turn in what the school wants doesn't mean his work isn't credited. he enjoys simplify and everything he can turn from dust to gold.

• PICTUREQUE
relationships were never the key focus for zephyr. as long as he had something for him to do, he wasn't bothered with being alone. plus, with the way he was raised, being a mormon made it hard for him to actually have a relationship when the other person wanted what he couldn't give until he had a ring on his finger. the book never said anything about the person to put a ring on his finger being another boy either. because of his parents, zephyr has very little relationship exposure. it's not that he's scared of a relationship; it's that he's nervous about how he lives and what it'll affect if he breaks off the promises his family had set in stone for him. even with his mother being gone and his father now a strong alcoholic, he's still very religious and would beat the shit out of zephyr if he happened to find out he gave up his innocence before marriage, let alone doing so with another man. even so, zephyr has great potential to be the perfect match for someone. he can be very romantic and creative.

• PUERILE
now is his only chance to act that age he never got to be. zephyr can tend to be childish but only when it's the time to act below his level and with the people he know won't care how he acts. it's been deemed rather adorable when he gets enough courage to act such ways. everyone love's being able to mess around with someone who knows how to have fun and be a kid at heart when doing so. yes, there are times when sugar rushes come into play and he's hard to handle, but you never regret being able to say you've seen zephyr out of his element and acting like a complete dumb ass. maybe it's just the alcohol that get's to him sometimes, but he does tend to act more like a child when he's consumed alcohol. but then again, who doesn't act not-like themselves when they've digested such things?

• RESERVED
because of his past, zeph has a hard time trusting people. sure, he can walk into a room full of people and be able to show all their names by the end of the hour, but really, he doesn't like to share things openly with people. he'd rather listen than be the one listened to. he's afraid that if he tells too much, he's opening doors for people to walk right in and all over him. he likes being in control of his own life and he wouldn't like to give it to someone else. he's not really shy, but he is self-localed in a way. he likes knowing who someone is and how he knows them rather than being the one that people can name right off hand. the close friends that he happens to have know just a bit about his past and his personality. it'll take a lot for someone to actually get him to open up and give out the information he's so afraid of sharing.

• TROUBLESOME
he knows his name and he knows how he's grown up, but he doesn't really get who he is and what he's supposed to do with his life. zephyr isn't very comfortable with his own skin. he find the smallest of flaws and turns them into major thing that leave him wondering why he was born in the first place. no one's perfect. if anyone, it's zephyr that knows that the best. he's made his fair share of mistakes, but he doesn't regret any. sure, some of them he wishes he could change, but then he wouldn't be the person he is today. he likes being confused and to have a mystery. what if? there are plenty of times when you have to make a decision for the better or for the worse. zephyr's made some bad choices in his life and some good one's too. either way, he still want to figure out the real reason why he's here.

• WARMHEARTED
he's the kind of guy that's going to get you a card on your birthday when no one else remembers. no, he's not a stalkerish kind of person. he just kind and sweethearted. he likes being able to put smiles on peoples faces when they're in the worst of mental or physical states. he takes his time in picking out things for people because he wants to be remembered as the person that always gave the best of gifts, even if they were hand made. he tries his best to go out of his way and give people what they want. it could run into being a problem if he let's someone take control of his life, but he's sure he can withstand the pressure. he likes being able to wave to people on the street and have them know his name. he's the kind of boy you'd want to be with just because of how generous and caring he is. a real package deal.

SECRETS:
ONE
his attraction to the same sex has always been a secret. if his family would find out, he'd be disowned for the rest of his life.
TWO
he's still a virgin. along with this is that he's a mormon. most people expect that he's been around the block a few times because of how he looks. but really, it's not true.
THREE
he saw his father strangle his mother to death when he was a child. it's always been a terrible memory for him and he tries to forget; good reason why it's a secret.
FOUR
after his mother died, his father took to strong alcohol and began to beat him. some of the scares are still there but he's got a story for everyone. none of them being true.

FEARS:
needles, spiders, nightmares, love, getting struck by lightning, the ocean, heights, awkward conversations, crowded spaces, darkness, death, failure.

GOALS:
write a book, design a portfolio of simple photography, explain himself, own a photography studio, become famous, give up his innocences, have a civil conversation with his father.

I CAN MAKE YOUR HEART SLOW
I CAN FEEL THE WEATHER IN MY BONES

- - - - -

MOTHER'S NAME:
karma clayton.
rebecca niles.
MOTHER'S OCCUPATION:
graphic designer.
deceased.
FATHER'S NAME:
sirus clayton.
drew niles.
FATHER'S OCCUPATION:
lyricist.
in prison.
SIBLINGS:
kara clayton, seven.
EXTENDED FAMILY:
lila reynolds, social worker.
NATIONALITY: german, jewish, scottish.
HOMETOWN: chicago, illinos.
CURRENT RESIDENCE: london, england.
BEST MEMORY:

" i was seven years old. it was my birthday and my mother, my real mom, made me the best dinner and a birthday cake. we went to the park just a few blocks away from our house. she gave me my first camera; a Polaroid. the first picture i took was of her smiling on a park bench with a daisy in her hand. "

WORST MEMORY:

" when i was ten years old, i had just gotten off the bus from school. i walked in the door and the first thing i heard was the glass vase breaking from the kitchen. they were fighting again. my dad had finally been caught cheating. but instead of my mother being mad, she was begging for him to let go of her wrists. he didn't instead, he pushed her down onto the floor and wrapped his hands around her neck. i watched my mother's life end within a matter of minds on our kitchen floor. "

HISTORY:
waiting outside the door with a single pink rose in his hand, sirus clayton stared down at the plush pink and compared it to the beautiful flush features of karma's cheeks. she was so out of he league, which was why he was amazed he was taking the girl to prom. karma, on the other hand, was looking for the bad boy to fall for. her parents wanted her to already have her life planned out, and she did, just not to their expectations. it would be so different for her if she was able to actually fall for someone like sirus. he was a terrible student, but the best drummer she'd ever heard. their families were putting them in a romeo and juliet situation. they both hated each other, but their children were in love. what was a girl to do with a boy she was sure was 'the one'? well, as it turned out, sirus was the one, but not the perfect one.

married after eloping off to vegas for a crazy graduation weekend, the duo slapped down the first months rent on their first apartment. with neither of them sure what life was to bring, they too to the alcohol they were barely legal to drink. with one bottle leading to another, the news of a baby boy being brought into the world was soon passed around. just after six months of marriage, zephyr drew clayton was born. he was frail for a baby, probably due to the fact that his mother ended up slipping on the stairs a few times. it's amazing he was born alive at all. soon enough, the boy grew a pair of lungs and was driving mommy and daddy crazy throughout the wee hours of the night. it continued on out toward his toddler days where diapers and cruising on his knees became the latest fashion.

as a younger child, zephyr grew up learning that playing nice would get him to be liked by all and hated by few. he always was first to jump in line when a helping hand was needed; it was just his nature to be helpful. attending church each sunday was a family thing and each of his parents were glad to drag bring him along. they all knew it was wonderful for such a young boy to be so well educated when it came to his religion. the clayton's wanted it burned into zephyr's brain that his religion came first rather than what his urges told him to do. school days turned a bit troublesome though when things at home started heating up. daddy wanted to be a young boy again. zephyr was taking that chance away from him, and in sirus' eyes, that was at first karma's fault. she was the one to have the child instead of getting rid of it.

so the punches came and the bruises were covered up but the memories always burned in the back of his mind like fire flies in the summer evenings. zephyr would wait for his father to leave before he helped clean his mother up. he'd beg for her to tell daddy to stop one day instead of just taking it. of course, she said she would but that day never came. at the young age of seven, mother and son went out for a lovely walk. this was the first time when zephyr got to take a picture. his favorite of all of the photographs that he's produced; a polaroid of his mother and her beautiful smile. when they went home, he went home and instantly pinned it down under his pillow so he'd always have a memory of his mother, no matter where she was. but it wouldn't be long before zephyr was really going to feel left behind.

at the young age of ten, he was left with just one parent after the other was a subject to being strangled in the family's dining room. for seeing the crime, zephyr was hit; for the very first time, and told to run off to his room so he wouldn't see exactly where the body was taken to. he did as he told, always being the good little boy he was. the bruises being his own this time; there was no reason to practice cleaning himself up for the time being. it was summer; no one would see. he's just have to cut off the little contact he had with the few friends he had. the bottles got broken on the floor and it was zephyr's job to clean them up. for the next few years, he'd learn that being the only child was better than watching someone else get beaten for some simple task.

if the boy didn't have his school work done, it was a slap in the face. the house wasn't clean? shoved into the nearest object; sharp or not. sirus was never convicted of karma's murder. she was just a lost soul that was forgotten the moment that sirus began to beat on her. some people worried for zephyr's health, considering he came to school looking like a ghost because of so much cover-up and concealer. he didn't have friends; he didn't want any for the fear that they would find out and he'd have to tell the whole story. sharing that would mean he'd be kicked out into a foster home when he was so close to just being able to leave himself.

when school ended and the opportunity for college came around, zephyr packed his bags and jumped on the nearest plane out of chicago. that's when he came here, finally away from all the abuse. he's living on his own now and doing well in his major; photography.

BABY YOU'RE A CLASSIC
LIKE A LITTLE BLACK DRESS

- - - - -

ROLE PLAY WORD: xoxox.

tess and laur know