HOT & BOTHERED

[CECELIA ZEPPELIN ROBINS]

-------- There was this story that Cecelia's mother used to tell her all the time about a little girl , a very wicked little girl. Cece and her mom used to curl up on the couch , a red and white fleece blanket covering them and the only light coming from a Christmas lap they received years ago. It had little reindeer on it with elves working and working on toys. The story did not have a title but it managed to make Cece cry everytime. The girl in the story was very beautiful but at the same time , very cruel. Since the girl's mother was very poor , the little girl had to go off and work for rich people. The very rich people spoiled her and gave her a lot of attention. One day , the rich people told her that she had to go and visit her mother. But now the little girl felt she was too good for her own mother but still went to go see her , merely to show off her beauty and beautiful gifts. But when she came across a swamp , she didn't want to ruin her new , white socks and threw down the basket of goodies she had. The basket started to sink and so did she. The little girl sank into the deep , dark world of demons and ugly , deformed creatures. On account of her being so beautiful , the demon queen at the bottom of the swamp made her into a beautiful statue , as a gift for her son. The pretty little girl is covered by snakes , vines , plants and slime. She was transformed into the the ugliness inside her. The girl was so hungry but she couldn't eat the food in her basket , the basket still stuck to her feet. Everyday people would walk by , laughing and poitning at the little ugly statue. Some boy said she deserved it and the little girl's mother was quick to agree. The girl couldn't move , but if she could have , she would've twisted with rage , " It's not fair !", cried Cece's mother , her voice mocking the little girl's. Cecelia always had a personal attachement to the story. She would always sit on her mother's lap , she wouldn't just hear the words , she felt them. She felt it in her body. She felt a girl who wanted to be too beautiful. Cece felt a mother who wanted to love her. She felt a demon who wanted to torture her. She felt them mixed together so you couldn't tell them apart. The story scared Cece and she cried. Her mother would put her arms around. "Wait," she would say. " It's not over yet. She's going to be saved by the tears of an innocent girl. Like you." Her mother would kiss the top of her head and finish the story. Cece forgot about the story for a long time.

-------- She couldn't sleep. She can't sleep. When she tries , she wakes up after two hours and then spends the rest of the night pulled around by feelings and thoughts. Cece usually slept again at dawn , than wake at 7:30. When she woke , she's mad at not sleeping and that makes her mad and that makes her mad at everything. Her mind yells insults as her body walks itself around. Dream images rise up and crash down , huge , then gone , huge , gone. The day she lost her mother was the day she lost herself. Lucy would always be making jokes that would the Pope blush. Cece sometimes loved how she would make jokes like that. Other times it was just plain embarrassing. Once when they were leaving a movie theater after seeing a pretentious movie. As they walked past a line of people waiting to see the other movie , Lucy said loudly, "They don't want to see anything that challenging. They'd rather see Flashdance. Now me , if it's bizarre , I'm interested." There was a little strut to her walk and her voice was like a huge feather in a hat. She's not like that , Cece wanted to say to the people in line. If you knew her , you'd see. But the fact was , she was like that. Lucy was obnoxious , so obnoxious that when Lucy took Cece to a gym , in the locker room , she would snap at anyone who would get close to her or brush against her. "If you want me to move , just tell me, but please stop poking me in the bottom." She would say to some poor high class mother wearing a crisp white tennis outfit and pearls. "Fistfucking went out years ago. Didn't you know that?" Of course , Lucy had a lot of smart cracks stored up. She needed them. When she didn't have them , she was naked and everybody saw. Once when they wer ein a coffee shop , she tried to talk seriously to Cece. Her skin was gray with seriousness. She said, " I've just got to stop feeling for myself. You are my focus. No more hospital visits." Her tough words didn't match with the look of fear on her face. The waitress , a middle aged white woman , gave her a sharp , quick glance that softened as she turned away. She could tell something by looking at Lucy , and Cece always wondered what it was. The truth was , Lucy was not afraid to die. She accepted the news just as she would if the weather man was going to say it was going to snow. All she did was give a nod and a smile and dragged Cece out of there and took her out for ice cream. Cece was fourteen when her mother died. Just fourteen. Cece felt like she was going to explode with anger and frustration.

-------- But that was years ago and she was in the present. A liquor bottle hung from her limp hand as she stumbled through the park , taking a few swigs now and again from the Smirnoff bottle. It was the anniversary of her mother's death and her father had given her a call. The conversation went like all the other conversations she had with him. He would apologize for her mother's death and how he couldn't find the money to help her and that he wished he could have been at the funeral. Cece would curse him out and tell him to drop dead and leave her alone. After that , Cecelia would grab whatever liquor was in her house and stumble around the streets of London , drunk and pissed off. A couple of times it would land her in jail and other times it would end up with her having drunk sex with someone at work. Cece was always an angry girl since her mother died but everytime the day came up and her father called , it got worse. She bitched everyone out and felt like a total loser. The girl was on the verge of becoming an alcoholic , she was working as a stripper and she was kind of , sort of , in love with a Levi Owen Jones but she refused to admit it. Love made her weak. Love made her vunerable. If she set herself up to get rejected , the boy would surely reject her. Cece stuck to the sex , the liquor and the fun times that came along with everything. She tumbled to the ground , giving a laugh as her head hit the grass. People quickly walked past , hoping to avoid the drunken girl and her slurs of anger. She laid the bottle down next to her and slapped her thighs. "Why can't I just fucking drop dead already?" She asked to no one in particular. Life meant nothing to her.

[/b] done.
attire, awz dearz.
notes, going with the flow. & logan&cece love.
words,one thousand four hundred and twenty seven.
music, birthday sex - jermiah
credit, to chelsea for layout & credz to sparkly freak out for text.[/ul][/color]
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